Recently I was in a webinar that aimed to tackle the issues surrounding technology and its effects on students. Some members of the forum started openly criticising boys for their poor behaviour. Whilst their criticisms were not directed specifically at our boys, I was offended at their general statements. We can be too quick to criticise boys and we forget that their frontal lobes are still developing. We also forget that their brains are “wired” differently from girls and that they don’t see the same levels of reason that we do (my 9-year-old son is a perfect example!). Sadly, our frustrations with our boys’ misgivings can result in us overlooking all of the wonderful things that our boys do!
Working with our young men can be so rewarding and I am reminded of this each day. For the vast majority of the time our boys turn up to school with a smile on their face. They acknowledge adults and teachers as they walk by and look you in the eye when they shake your hand. Our boys wear their uniforms with pride and are respectful to their teachers. Their enthusiasm can be seen on the sporting fields and during their service activities.
Unfortunately, from time to time, boys will make a mistake. As adults, we need to accept this reality. If a boy makes a mistake, we need to help him to learn three things. Firstly, it is acceptable to make mistakes. We all do, and it is an integral part of learning and becoming a well-adjusted young man. Secondly, boys need to learn to be honest, own their mistake and accept the consequences. Thirdly, and sometimes most importantly, our sons need to know that we will forgive them when they make a mistake. By not forgiving our boys’ mistakes, we are not modelling for them the skills of forgiveness and tolerance. We need to view our boys’ mistakes as a learning process and remember to acknowledge all of the good things that they do.
As parents and teachers we walk a fine line with our rules, rewards and consequences. As psychologist and author, Dr Michael Carr-Gregg acknowledges in his book “Surviving Adolescents”, we need to negotiate with our teenagers the rules in our homes, boarding houses and schools. If the boys do not feel that they have some ownership in shaping them, they can become rebellious. However, the flip side is that if we do not create the structures that are important for wellbeing and flourishing, we end up with entitled teens who never see the value in setting limits. Carr-Gregg calls these entitled boys “Prince Boofheads”.
The most compelling consequence that we can impart on our boys is restricting something that they enjoy. We all know that a consequence needs to “hurt” a little, however, too often we get frustrated when our boys do not learn from the consequence and re-offend. When this occurs, we need to reshape our thinking to establishing a rewards system for desirable behaviour. For example, if your son is allowed to use technology in the morning, he should be rewarded for being ready before the parent who is driving him. Once his bag is packed and he has everything he needs for the day he might be allowed some time on his Xbox. This contrasts with allowing him access to his Xbox when he wakes up and having to remove the privilege of using his Xbox in the morning when he is not ready on time. In both cases he can access his Xbox, we just need to consider how we can offer his access as a reward for desirable behaviour as opposed to a punishment for his undesirable behaviour.
As parents and teachers, we don’t always get it right in finding the balance between rules, rewards and consequences. However, the more consistent we are, the more our boys will trust us and in turn, when our boys do the wrong thing, we can use our trusting relationship as the basis on which we establish and promote positive future behaviours.
Mr Mark Oliphant
Head of Senior School
Latest Blog
Exploring the Role of Neuroscience in Supporting Teenage Boys
Recent insights from neuroscience reveal that the teenage brain undergoes significant changes, particularly in the frontal lobe, which is essential for decision-making, impulse control and emotional regulation. By leveraging this knowledge, we can create supportive environments that guide our boys through the complexities of their teenage years.The Prefrontal Cortex The prefrontal cortex, located in the frontal lobe, is one of the last areas of the brain to mature, significantly impacting…
Wellbeing and Character Development Program — Benefiting Students and Staff Alike
In 2024, the School re-established the Head of Pastoral Care position. The role will be pivotal in supporting all staff to foster a supportive and nurturing environment at Toowoomba Grammar School. Integral to the role’s success is the parallel expansion of the Wellbeing and Character Development (WCD) program to yield multifaceted benefits for both staff and students. For staff, the Head of Pastoral Care provides guidance, support and resources, aiding in their efforts to address students’…
Nurturing the Seeds of Leadership
Early exposure to leadership roles helps children develop character traits such as responsibility, empathy, resilience and integrity. As a School, we provide the opportunity for the cultivation of leadership skills in our young boys. From the formative years in Prep through to the adolescent years of Year 6, the importance of fostering leadership qualities cannot be overstated. In our modern world, where adaptability, resilience and initiative are regarded as quality attributes, nurturing the…
Pedal Power: The TGS Mountain Bike Club
What started with 12 boys now has 90, with many of the riders racing in the Schools Academy Gravity Enduro Series and other events. We also have a tour of 20 boys going to Thredbo in December this year, where they will tackle some of the most exciting trails in Australia. We thank the wonderful group of parents who support the club. They can often be found driving vehicles up and down the range on a Sunday morning to support the boys. We would not have been as successful as we are without…
Beyond the Blue and Gold
Our focus is to work with each individual student to assist in creating awareness of the world of work, helping students to articulate their interests and identifying what is important to them and their values. We assist the boys in developing the skills to explore the different careers out there. We connect them with employers and industry professionals and help them navigate towards the job or career they are interested in. We work hard to individualise each student’s unique School journey to…
Character and Wellbeing – The Grammar Way
Legacy of Leadership: The Impact of John Mackintosh at Toowoomba Grammar School Toowoomba Grammar School’s first Headmaster, John Mackintosh (1876–1879) led the School with the demeanour of a typical Victorian father figure. His leadership was steadfast and nurturing, with decisions that were definitive and meticulously aimed at creating an environment that was conducive to a boy’s character and learning outcomes. Mackintosh introduced recreational activities such as chess and draughts…
2024 IBSC Conference
It is part of our Strategic Plan's People Pillar which is "build a high-performing culture that supports the wellbeing and development of staff, who exemplify the TGS values and share our commitment to the growth of our boys". In fact, that focus was acknowledged in our receiving The Educator’s 2024 5-Star Employer of Choice award. The Award acknowledges excellence in providing professional development opportunities and nurturing a culture of inclusion and respect. So it was with great pleasure…
Filmmaker, Storyteller and Visionary
From his days as a boarding student at Toowoomba Grammar School, where he first dipped his toes into the world of filming GPS sporting events, to his current roles as sports documentarian and founder of the Outback Film Club, Clancy’s journey is a testament to the power of passion and perseverance. Establishing Outback Film Club has been a real triumph The echoes of school war cries reverberating around the Chandler Aquatic Centre in 2011 marked the start of Clancy’s cinematic journey.…
A Cut Shot Above The Rest
Ben’s sport takes him to the best beaches on the planet, but his love of volleyball began back at Toowoomba Grammar School, inspired after seeing his older brother play. As Ben explains, he was hooked:
