Recently I was in a webinar that aimed to tackle the issues surrounding technology and its effects on students. Some members of the forum started openly criticising boys for their poor behaviour. Whilst their criticisms were not directed specifically at our boys, I was offended at their general statements. We can be too quick to criticise boys and we forget that their frontal lobes are still developing. We also forget that their brains are “wired” differently from girls and that they don’t see the same levels of reason that we do (my 9-year-old son is a perfect example!). Sadly, our frustrations with our boys’ misgivings can result in us overlooking all of the wonderful things that our boys do!
Working with our young men can be so rewarding and I am reminded of this each day. For the vast majority of the time our boys turn up to school with a smile on their face. They acknowledge adults and teachers as they walk by and look you in the eye when they shake your hand. Our boys wear their uniforms with pride and are respectful to their teachers. Their enthusiasm can be seen on the sporting fields and during their service activities.
Unfortunately, from time to time, boys will make a mistake. As adults, we need to accept this reality. If a boy makes a mistake, we need to help him to learn three things. Firstly, it is acceptable to make mistakes. We all do, and it is an integral part of learning and becoming a well-adjusted young man. Secondly, boys need to learn to be honest, own their mistake and accept the consequences. Thirdly, and sometimes most importantly, our sons need to know that we will forgive them when they make a mistake. By not forgiving our boys’ mistakes, we are not modelling for them the skills of forgiveness and tolerance. We need to view our boys’ mistakes as a learning process and remember to acknowledge all of the good things that they do.
As parents and teachers we walk a fine line with our rules, rewards and consequences. As psychologist and author, Dr Michael Carr-Gregg acknowledges in his book “Surviving Adolescents”, we need to negotiate with our teenagers the rules in our homes, boarding houses and schools. If the boys do not feel that they have some ownership in shaping them, they can become rebellious. However, the flip side is that if we do not create the structures that are important for wellbeing and flourishing, we end up with entitled teens who never see the value in setting limits. Carr-Gregg calls these entitled boys “Prince Boofheads”.
The most compelling consequence that we can impart on our boys is restricting something that they enjoy. We all know that a consequence needs to “hurt” a little, however, too often we get frustrated when our boys do not learn from the consequence and re-offend. When this occurs, we need to reshape our thinking to establishing a rewards system for desirable behaviour. For example, if your son is allowed to use technology in the morning, he should be rewarded for being ready before the parent who is driving him. Once his bag is packed and he has everything he needs for the day he might be allowed some time on his Xbox. This contrasts with allowing him access to his Xbox when he wakes up and having to remove the privilege of using his Xbox in the morning when he is not ready on time. In both cases he can access his Xbox, we just need to consider how we can offer his access as a reward for desirable behaviour as opposed to a punishment for his undesirable behaviour.
As parents and teachers, we don’t always get it right in finding the balance between rules, rewards and consequences. However, the more consistent we are, the more our boys will trust us and in turn, when our boys do the wrong thing, we can use our trusting relationship as the basis on which we establish and promote positive future behaviours.
Mr Mark Oliphant
Head of Senior School
Latest Blog
Developing a Sense of Belonging for our TGS Boarders
How do we adequately develop a teenager’s 'sense of belonging' in boarding? Head of Boyce House, Boarding, Mr Michael Hall has investigated how 'Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs' applies to boarding. It is a psychological theory that suggests human beings have a set of fundamental needs that must be fulfilled in a hierarchical order. The theory proposes that individuals must first satisfy their physiological needs before moving on to higher-level needs, such as the 'belongingness' that is so…
Kia Moemoeā – Dream Beyond Limits
A 12-year study has found that boys consistently perform better in an all boys’ school compared to boys in co-educational schools. This was one of several interesting topics presented at the recent International Boys’ Schools Coalition (IBSC) Conference in Auckland, New Zealand which I attended alongside three of my Toowoomba Grammar School colleagues – Mr Luke Rawle, Mr Dave Klan and Mrs Jessica Galbraith. We joined 600 leading educators from 15 countries around the world for the four-day…
Blue and Gold in the Blood
“I had such fond memories from the School and enjoyed all the opportunities available, particularly participating in sport and learning at such a high level; my sons were going to have the same great education,” said Chris adamantly. Chris was a boarder from Dalby and an “all-rounder” as a student. He was part of the 1st XV, a CUO in the Cadets, a member of the debating team, involved in drama (featuring in two plays during his time) and a good academic student. “I really enjoyed boarding,”…
The Benefits of Repeated Reading
An effective and evidence-based method that can significantly improve your child's reading abilities is repeated reading. Reading proficiency is a vital skill that sets the foundation for academic success and lifelong learning. Repeated reading, a simple yet powerful technique, has been proven to enhance reading fluency, comprehension, and overall confidence. Let's delve into why repeated reading is such a beneficial practice for your child. Research consistently supports the benefits of…
Print v Digital
I recently read an article by Petra Stock, entitled "Streaming Stories: Will Children’s Digital Book Platforms Upend Print", an interesting discussion comparing ebooks and print media and the ways they are being used during and post COVID. Which is better according to the article? Well, there is a clear winner; however, like many things, the answer can depend on the situation. I'd like to break elements of the article down, along with my own thoughts and compare the two. Social…
Striking a Balance
We understand that, as parents, we aspire to provide our children with the best education and opportunities for growth. Within the Junior School at Toowoomba Grammar School, we believe in fostering a love for learning while enabling your son to reach his full potential. In this article, we would like to emphasise the significance of automaticity and basic skill practice in extending your child's learning journey, while emphasising the importance of respecting their individual pace. Automaticity…
Developing Sportsmanship from Prep
Overwhelming pride in wearing the Blue and Gold is a familiar emotion for Toowoomba Grammar School students, as is abundantly evident in all our boys, from Prep to Year 12. This emotion and passion for the School is the essence of our TGS culture and defines what it means to be a TGS student. The launch of the 2022 - 2026 Strategic Plan creates an exciting opportunity for our co-curricular program, which links perfectly into the "character and wellbeing" pillar. The development of good…
Why Study Drama?
As an educator with over 30 years’ experience in the Arts, I specialise in the analytical, creative and practical spheres that quantify and qualify success in drama. I have been a Drama teacher and Arts Project Officer in the Independent, Catholic, state, and private sectors in primary and secondary, single sex and co-educational environments. This longevity of knowledge, gained through firsthand experience, affirms that students who study drama through until at least Year 10 acquire…
Drive and Determination
Jeremy Peacock is ranked third in the world in the PTS4 Para category and his sights are set on selection for the 2024 Paralympic Games in Paris. During Jeremy’s time at TGS he represented the School in numerous endeavours but was particularly known for his contributions to the Arts, particularly Music. On the sports field, Jeremy represented TGS in GPS Athletics, Cross Country, Cricket and Football. After returning from a gap year in the UK teaching music at Port Regis School, Dorset, Jeremy…
