Recently I was in a webinar that aimed to tackle the issues surrounding technology and its effects on students. Some members of the forum started openly criticising boys for their poor behaviour. Whilst their criticisms were not directed specifically at our boys, I was offended at their general statements. We can be too quick to criticise boys and we forget that their frontal lobes are still developing. We also forget that their brains are “wired” differently from girls and that they don’t see the same levels of reason that we do (my 9-year-old son is a perfect example!). Sadly, our frustrations with our boys’ misgivings can result in us overlooking all of the wonderful things that our boys do!
Working with our young men can be so rewarding and I am reminded of this each day. For the vast majority of the time our boys turn up to school with a smile on their face. They acknowledge adults and teachers as they walk by and look you in the eye when they shake your hand. Our boys wear their uniforms with pride and are respectful to their teachers. Their enthusiasm can be seen on the sporting fields and during their service activities.
Unfortunately, from time to time, boys will make a mistake. As adults, we need to accept this reality. If a boy makes a mistake, we need to help him to learn three things. Firstly, it is acceptable to make mistakes. We all do, and it is an integral part of learning and becoming a well-adjusted young man. Secondly, boys need to learn to be honest, own their mistake and accept the consequences. Thirdly, and sometimes most importantly, our sons need to know that we will forgive them when they make a mistake. By not forgiving our boys’ mistakes, we are not modelling for them the skills of forgiveness and tolerance. We need to view our boys’ mistakes as a learning process and remember to acknowledge all of the good things that they do.
As parents and teachers we walk a fine line with our rules, rewards and consequences. As psychologist and author, Dr Michael Carr-Gregg acknowledges in his book “Surviving Adolescents”, we need to negotiate with our teenagers the rules in our homes, boarding houses and schools. If the boys do not feel that they have some ownership in shaping them, they can become rebellious. However, the flip side is that if we do not create the structures that are important for wellbeing and flourishing, we end up with entitled teens who never see the value in setting limits. Carr-Gregg calls these entitled boys “Prince Boofheads”.
The most compelling consequence that we can impart on our boys is restricting something that they enjoy. We all know that a consequence needs to “hurt” a little, however, too often we get frustrated when our boys do not learn from the consequence and re-offend. When this occurs, we need to reshape our thinking to establishing a rewards system for desirable behaviour. For example, if your son is allowed to use technology in the morning, he should be rewarded for being ready before the parent who is driving him. Once his bag is packed and he has everything he needs for the day he might be allowed some time on his Xbox. This contrasts with allowing him access to his Xbox when he wakes up and having to remove the privilege of using his Xbox in the morning when he is not ready on time. In both cases he can access his Xbox, we just need to consider how we can offer his access as a reward for desirable behaviour as opposed to a punishment for his undesirable behaviour.
As parents and teachers, we don’t always get it right in finding the balance between rules, rewards and consequences. However, the more consistent we are, the more our boys will trust us and in turn, when our boys do the wrong thing, we can use our trusting relationship as the basis on which we establish and promote positive future behaviours.
Mr Mark Oliphant
Head of Senior School
Latest Blog
TGS Mates Program - Character Building Education
Current research into character education has shown that educators should not be focusing solely on preparing students for their Year 12 final exams but should be supporting them to become humans who exhibit good character and virtues to contribute to creating a healthier society (The Jubilee Centre, 2022). The Jubilee Centre, which is attached to the University of Birmingham in the UK, maintains that good character is the foundation for improved attainment, better behaviour, increased…
Our TGS Old Boys' Wall of Achievement
The next time you visit the School grounds, pause for a moment at the Toowoomba Grammar School Old Boys' Wall of Achievement. This concept was the initiative of the then Deputy Headmaster, Mr Roger Buttenshaw, and was supported by the Board of Trustees, Headmasters Mr Hugh Rose and Mr Peter Hauser, and the TGSOBA - Toowoomba Grammar School Old Boys' Association. The opening of the Wall of Achievement took place in 2003. Thousands of TGS Old Boys have gone on to lead productive and valuable…
A Musical Reflection
As Director of Performing Arts, there is perhaps no bigger undertaking than a School musical. It requires an enormous effort from a huge team of teachers and students, and to get all these moving parts heading in the same direction is certainly no mean feat. The 2023 co-production of Footloose was my first time involved in a Toowoomba Grammar School and Fairholme College musical, and I found it to be a very rewarding, though exhausting, experience. The process began in Term 3, 2022, as my…
TGS Success in GPS Sport
In 2023, Toowoomba Grammar School witnessed a remarkable resurgence in several of our sports programs, marking a year of triumph and growth. Although an elusive GPS premiership did not fall our way, a number of our 1st teams competed to the final whistle in Round 9 of their respective competitions, vying for their premierships. The achievements of our boys on the field and court were nothing short of exceptional, reflecting the commitment, dedication and character development that participation…
An Exceptional Learning Experience
As a member of the Junior School Leadership Team at Toowoomba Grammar School, my role involves ensuring that the Junior School’s Teaching and Learning programs are designed, implemented and managed effectively. This role is grounded in the vision, mission, and values of TGS and is crucial in supporting the Head of Junior School and the Director of Studies in providing an exceptional learning experience for our boys. At TGS Junior School, we prioritise the use of explicit teaching to ensure that…
An Inclusive Education
Toowoomba Grammar School is proud to introduce the newest addition to our education team, Amanda Gibson. Amanda commenced in Term 4, 2023 in the pivotal role of Head of Diverse Learners and will bring new direction and focus to the position in alignment with our commitment to inclusive education, aligning seamlessly with our Strategic Plan 2022-2026 and the Inclusive Education Policy. “I am very excited about developing this role,” said Amanda. “I have a passion for fostering environments where…
Get Involved in Everything
As Senior Prefect at Toowoomba Grammar School, I have had the opportunity to witness the benefits of being an all-rounder firsthand. With the various activities and programs the School offers, the ability to be involved in as many things as possible is not only enjoyable but brings about numerous benefits that extend far beyond the school years. Ranging from sports to drama and debating, participating in anything the School has to offer is an excellent way to make friends and build networks of…
The Importance of Knowledge
For as long as I can remember, I’ve always enjoyed traveling great distances. As a child growing up in rural New South Wales, this was inevitable. The region was speckled with towns, some more vibrant than others, and diverse landscapes where hillside ruins whispered tales of bygone eras. Over time, these landscapes and towns transformed into familiar scenes, with even minor changes in the community and environment growing more noticeable during each visit. Education parallels this journey, as…
Senior TGS Students' Advice for Starting Senior School
Starting at a new school can be a time of mixed feelings – very exciting, but also quite daunting and challenging. Here are some tips from some Year 7 Grammar boys who started Senior School in 2023. Get involved in different sports and activities Toowoomba Grammar School provides many sports and activities that any student can participate in. As a current Year 7 student, I highly recommend trying out as many different sports and activities as you can. Throughout my first year in high school, I…
