As the holiday season approaches, parents and caregivers find themselves immersed in the joy and bustle of festivities. Amidst the celebrations, it’s essential to pause and reflect on the pivotal role our parenting styles play in shaping our children’s attitudes and behaviours, especially concerning alcohol and other drug use. As a father of four young people with my fifth child coming into our family on 8 December 2023, I’m particularly mindful of my parenting style and my role as School counsellor, subsequently, I connect deeply to renowned expert Paul Dillon’s insights offering invaluable advice to help us navigate parenting to ensure we have access to quality information and best practice alcohol education.
In his astute observations, Dillon (2023) sheds light on the diverse landscape of parenting styles, offering us invaluable insights into our roles as parents. Authoritarian parenting, as Dillon points out, involves rigid rule-setting without explanations, potentially creating an atmosphere of stress and limiting communication between parents and children. Conversely, Dillion suggests indulgent parenting, while warm and nurturing, often lacks the necessary boundaries, leading to undisciplined behaviour and challenges in developing essential life skills (2023).
As a school counsellor and educator for over 20 years with very intentional, diverse educational experiences, I can relate to neglectful environments where Dillon (2023) further emphasizes, falls on the other end of the spectrum, marked by a lack of both warmth and necessary boundaries. In such an environment, children might lack the support and guidance crucial for their development, often having to fend for themselves, hindering their ability to navigate life effectively.
Dillon's (2023) wisdom underscores the significance of finding a harmonious balance. Authoritative parenting, he suggests as a top-down approach that embodies parents establishing clear rules infused with warmth and support. In this approach, consequences are explained, boundaries are set out of love and protection, and children are actively involved in decision-making. This balanced style not only ensures that children comprehend rules but also fosters a sense of security and self-worth. As parents, embracing this approach nurtures a positive parent-child relationship, laying the foundation for emotional growth, mutual respect, and the development of crucial life skills.
Parental Monitoring: The Gift of Security
During the holidays, our children often find themselves in diverse social settings, from family gatherings to parties with friends. Appropriate parental monitoring becomes our gift of security to them. Knowing where our children are, who they are with, and the activities they are engaged in establishes a sense of security. This vigilance not only deters risky behaviours but also fosters open communication. As parents, our watchful eyes and ears create a safety net, ensuring our children can enjoy the festivities responsibly.
Conversations that Matter: A Holiday Tradition
The holidays offer more than just a break from routine; they present an ideal opportunity for meaningful conversations. Dillon (2023) advocates for open dialogues about alcohol and engaging in age-appropriate discussions helps demystify these topics, allowing us to share our values, concerns, and expectations. As we gather with family and friends, let’s make conversations about responsible choices an integral part of our holiday traditions. Through these discussions, we instil in our children the confidence to navigate challenges and make informed decisions, even amidst the festivities.
Nurturing Healthy Choices: A Friendly Conversation about Alcohol
As the trusted partners in our children's journey, it's crucial that we equip ourselves with the knowledge and tools to guide them through life’s various challenges. To support you in this important conversation, we highly recommend Paul Dillions great resources designed to empower parents, teachers, and students in fostering healthy decision-making skills in their children. We highly recommend exploring the below downloadable resources. They cover a range of topics including ‘How do you look after a drunk friend?’, ‘Introducing your child to alcohol’, ‘Alcohol and the developing brain’, and ‘Hosting a teenage party’.
1. Ten Tips for Parents of Primary School-Aged Children Around Alcohol PARENTS-2017-10-TIPS-PRIMARY.pdf (darta.net.au)
Starting the conversation early is key. These tips provide practical guidance on how to approach the subject of alcohol with your young ones, emphasizing openness, honesty, and setting clear boundaries.
2. 10 tips to prepare for a night out YPA-2017-10-TIPS-NIGHT-OUT.pdf (darta.net.au)
If you are planning on a night out (or even attending an event during the day) here are some simple tips may help you and your friends have a safer and an enjoyable time
3. Parenting Style and Its Impact on Alcohol and Other Drug Use PARENTS-2017-PARENTING-STYLE.pdf (darta.net.au)
Discover the influence your parenting style can have on your child’s choices. Learn about authoritative parenting – a blend of warmth and boundaries – and how it creates a supportive environment where children can make informed decisions.
4. Parental Monitoring and Its Impact on Alcohol and Other Drug Use PARENTS-2017-PARENTAL-MONITORING.pdf (darta.net.au)
Understand the significance of staying informed about your child’s activities. Effective parental monitoring acts as a safeguard, deterring risky behaviours and fostering open communication channels between parents and children.
5. Introducing Your Child to Alcohol: A Delicate Conversation PARENTS-2017-INTRODUCING-CHILD-TO-ALCOHOL.pdf (darta.net.au)
Approaching the topic of alcohol introduction can be daunting. This resource provides sensitive insights, helping parents navigate this conversation with care, ensuring it’s age-appropriate and informative.
6. Influencing Your Child’s Alcohol Consumption: Shaping Responsible Choices INFLUENCING-ALCOHOL-CONSUMPTION.pdf (darta.net.au)
Learn effective ways to influence your child's attitudes towards alcohol. Discover methods to encourage responsible decision-making, empowering your child to resist peer pressure and make informed choices.
8. Hosting a Teenage Party: Creating Safe and Enjoyable Environments HOSTING-TEENAGE-PARTY.pdf (darta.net.au)
For parents of older children, this resource provides essential tips on hosting parties where fun, and safety coexist. Learn strategies to ensure responsible behaviour and create memorable experiences for your teen and their friends.
In closing, the holidays remind us of the immense influence we have on our children’s lives and to begin to consider having delicate conversations to influence our children with understanding, and wisdom about alcohol. For further information and valuable resources on adolescent health and drug education, please visit DARTA Fact Sheets - DARTA. May this holiday season be a time of safety and wellbeing.
- Lyle Gothmann, TGS Counsellor
Bibliography
Dillion, Paul. (2023, October 28). Drug and Alcohol Research and Training Australia. Fact Sheets. Darta. https://darta.net.au/resources/facts-sheets/nameofthefactsheet
Latest Blog
A Space for Learning
A core pillar of the Toowoomba Grammar School Strategic Plan is to provide an inspiring and broad curriculum for all boys, adopting technology and innovative pedagogy to transform learning outcomes. Over the last couple of years, the COVID-19 pandemic has prompted teachers to explore new frontiers of pedagogy, adapting to the difficult circumstances by launching interactive software, digitising trusty, tried and true resources, recording our lessons, flipping our classrooms, and cultivating an…
When it comes to Music, Variety is the Spice of Life
In the Queensland Curriculum, the content of the music syllabus includes the study of the people, places and cultures involved in musical creation and performance. As our country becomes increasingly diverse, it is important for students in every school setting to study a wide variety of musical styles, cultures and genres. The Toowoomba Grammar School Music program of 2022 embraces this holistic approach to the study of music, encouraging teachers and students to explore a variety of musical…
A Trailblazer for Multicultural Australia
Wellington Lee has been described as a trailblazer for multicultural Australia. He was born in 1925 and attended TGS from 1940-42 before serving with the RAAF during WWII from 1943-46 and the Active Reserve of Officers from 1953-83. Mr Lee was a remarkable man of good character who lived in an exciting time of growth and change during Australia’s, and particularly Victoria’s history; the early days in Melbourne when 10% of their population was a thriving Asian community. It was also a…
REACH - Character Development in the Junior School
Being a kind person is fundamental to the growth of a successful person. Adults in our young men’s lives have a responsibility to model and teach the importance of respect, accepting and acknowledging our need to contribute to society in a positive and meaningful way. In 2016, the Junior School staff felt there was a need to create a program that allowed us to develop the character of the boys in the Junior School. Tailoring a program to meet our boys’ needs rather than a generic one allows…
The Grass is Always Greener
It’s time we put this age-old rumour to rest once and for all… The Toowoomba Grammar School ovals are not painted, dyed or manufactured grass; rather, the glorious green that greets passers-by as they drive into the Garden City comes from the sheer hard work and dedication of our TGS grounds team, led by Danny Beresford. Danny has exceptional pride for his grounds and a strong family connection to TGS. He is an Old Boy (2002-04) who played for the 1st XV in 2004 and was in the Track and Field…
A life in Words - Reading Biographies
Biography; from the Greek Bios - Life & Graphia - Writing; are books that chronicle the lives of real people. The subject of a Biography can be a celebrity, athlete, politician, athlete, historical figure or ordinary person that has achieved something of note. Reading Biographies is a valuable and oftentimes rewarding experience, with many potential benefits to the reader. Inspirational Biographies often recount successes and struggles of those people who have, over the course of their…
Spielberg in the Making...
I first became aware of film making when my brother showed me the behind-the-scenes featurette on our Lord of the Rings DVD. From then on, the process intrigued me, and I eventually got my hands on my dad’s camera and simple editing software. I made a bunch of little movies with my friends which were all pretty bad but I loved doing them anyway. What I liked most was that it was an easy way to share stories and even when the movies were not good, it was still a way of telling stories in a…
The Best Job in the World
Vocational Education and Training (V.E.T) plays a central role in preparing young people for work, developing skills, and responding to the labour-market needs of the economy. As the V.E.T Co-Ordinator at Toowoomba Grammar School, I have an immediate and positive influence on our young men’s skills, employability, and career development. I engage with the most amazing young men to guide their career journeys throughout Years 10, 11 and 12. I also have the privilege to work closely with their…
Inclusive and Exclusive Banter and Behaviour
As the School counsellor, who has been working in a variety of education systems, I would like to address a common and important issue that affects many of our teenage boys: banter, teasing, and bullying. Boys at this age are especially prone to these behaviours, and they can have a significant impact on their mental health and overall well-being. One of the most common mistakes for teenage boys "it's just banter" or "I'm just joking." While banter can be a positive thing and can help build…
