As the holiday season approaches, parents and caregivers find themselves immersed in the joy and bustle of festivities. Amidst the celebrations, it’s essential to pause and reflect on the pivotal role our parenting styles play in shaping our children’s attitudes and behaviours, especially concerning alcohol and other drug use. As a father of four young people with my fifth child coming into our family on 8 December 2023, I’m particularly mindful of my parenting style and my role as School counsellor, subsequently, I connect deeply to renowned expert Paul Dillon’s insights offering invaluable advice to help us navigate parenting to ensure we have access to quality information and best practice alcohol education.
In his astute observations, Dillon (2023) sheds light on the diverse landscape of parenting styles, offering us invaluable insights into our roles as parents. Authoritarian parenting, as Dillon points out, involves rigid rule-setting without explanations, potentially creating an atmosphere of stress and limiting communication between parents and children. Conversely, Dillion suggests indulgent parenting, while warm and nurturing, often lacks the necessary boundaries, leading to undisciplined behaviour and challenges in developing essential life skills (2023).
As a school counsellor and educator for over 20 years with very intentional, diverse educational experiences, I can relate to neglectful environments where Dillon (2023) further emphasizes, falls on the other end of the spectrum, marked by a lack of both warmth and necessary boundaries. In such an environment, children might lack the support and guidance crucial for their development, often having to fend for themselves, hindering their ability to navigate life effectively.
Dillon's (2023) wisdom underscores the significance of finding a harmonious balance. Authoritative parenting, he suggests as a top-down approach that embodies parents establishing clear rules infused with warmth and support. In this approach, consequences are explained, boundaries are set out of love and protection, and children are actively involved in decision-making. This balanced style not only ensures that children comprehend rules but also fosters a sense of security and self-worth. As parents, embracing this approach nurtures a positive parent-child relationship, laying the foundation for emotional growth, mutual respect, and the development of crucial life skills.
Parental Monitoring: The Gift of Security
During the holidays, our children often find themselves in diverse social settings, from family gatherings to parties with friends. Appropriate parental monitoring becomes our gift of security to them. Knowing where our children are, who they are with, and the activities they are engaged in establishes a sense of security. This vigilance not only deters risky behaviours but also fosters open communication. As parents, our watchful eyes and ears create a safety net, ensuring our children can enjoy the festivities responsibly.
Conversations that Matter: A Holiday Tradition
The holidays offer more than just a break from routine; they present an ideal opportunity for meaningful conversations. Dillon (2023) advocates for open dialogues about alcohol and engaging in age-appropriate discussions helps demystify these topics, allowing us to share our values, concerns, and expectations. As we gather with family and friends, let’s make conversations about responsible choices an integral part of our holiday traditions. Through these discussions, we instil in our children the confidence to navigate challenges and make informed decisions, even amidst the festivities.
Nurturing Healthy Choices: A Friendly Conversation about Alcohol
As the trusted partners in our children's journey, it's crucial that we equip ourselves with the knowledge and tools to guide them through life’s various challenges. To support you in this important conversation, we highly recommend Paul Dillions great resources designed to empower parents, teachers, and students in fostering healthy decision-making skills in their children. We highly recommend exploring the below downloadable resources. They cover a range of topics including ‘How do you look after a drunk friend?’, ‘Introducing your child to alcohol’, ‘Alcohol and the developing brain’, and ‘Hosting a teenage party’.
1. Ten Tips for Parents of Primary School-Aged Children Around Alcohol PARENTS-2017-10-TIPS-PRIMARY.pdf (darta.net.au)
Starting the conversation early is key. These tips provide practical guidance on how to approach the subject of alcohol with your young ones, emphasizing openness, honesty, and setting clear boundaries.
2. 10 tips to prepare for a night out YPA-2017-10-TIPS-NIGHT-OUT.pdf (darta.net.au)
If you are planning on a night out (or even attending an event during the day) here are some simple tips may help you and your friends have a safer and an enjoyable time
3. Parenting Style and Its Impact on Alcohol and Other Drug Use PARENTS-2017-PARENTING-STYLE.pdf (darta.net.au)
Discover the influence your parenting style can have on your child’s choices. Learn about authoritative parenting – a blend of warmth and boundaries – and how it creates a supportive environment where children can make informed decisions.
4. Parental Monitoring and Its Impact on Alcohol and Other Drug Use PARENTS-2017-PARENTAL-MONITORING.pdf (darta.net.au)
Understand the significance of staying informed about your child’s activities. Effective parental monitoring acts as a safeguard, deterring risky behaviours and fostering open communication channels between parents and children.
5. Introducing Your Child to Alcohol: A Delicate Conversation PARENTS-2017-INTRODUCING-CHILD-TO-ALCOHOL.pdf (darta.net.au)
Approaching the topic of alcohol introduction can be daunting. This resource provides sensitive insights, helping parents navigate this conversation with care, ensuring it’s age-appropriate and informative.
6. Influencing Your Child’s Alcohol Consumption: Shaping Responsible Choices INFLUENCING-ALCOHOL-CONSUMPTION.pdf (darta.net.au)
Learn effective ways to influence your child's attitudes towards alcohol. Discover methods to encourage responsible decision-making, empowering your child to resist peer pressure and make informed choices.
8. Hosting a Teenage Party: Creating Safe and Enjoyable Environments HOSTING-TEENAGE-PARTY.pdf (darta.net.au)
For parents of older children, this resource provides essential tips on hosting parties where fun, and safety coexist. Learn strategies to ensure responsible behaviour and create memorable experiences for your teen and their friends.
In closing, the holidays remind us of the immense influence we have on our children’s lives and to begin to consider having delicate conversations to influence our children with understanding, and wisdom about alcohol. For further information and valuable resources on adolescent health and drug education, please visit DARTA Fact Sheets - DARTA. May this holiday season be a time of safety and wellbeing.
- Lyle Gothmann, TGS Counsellor
Bibliography
Dillion, Paul. (2023, October 28). Drug and Alcohol Research and Training Australia. Fact Sheets. Darta. https://darta.net.au/resources/facts-sheets/nameofthefactsheet
Latest Blog
DNF (Did Not Finish)
- Dan CrookHead of Library and Information Services I was talking books with a friend the other day; an avid reader, she had been looking for some light reads in new genre for the holidays, and so had sought out the wisdom of the internet. After watching a few BookToks (Tiktok book recommendations) she’d settled on some titles and begun to read. However after investing a good amount of her time and getting half way through the first and most highly recommended book, she asked herself, and then…
TGS Boarding - A Safe, Welcoming and Joyous Community
“From a boarding perspective, enabling young boys to flourish is only achieved within a community that is safe, welcoming, and joyous. These three aspects are at the core of my boarding philosophy and are closely aligned with my fundamental values as a boarding Head of House – acceptance, resilience, and fun,” explains Mr Henry White, Head of Corfe House. Corfe House serves as the entry point for Toowoomba Grammar School’s youngest boarders (Years 5 to 7) and the skills, relationships, and…
Transitioning to Year 7 at TGS
Can you remember your first day in secondary school? It can be a time of mixed feelings - very exciting, but also quite daunting and challenging. Irrespective of whether your son is joining us from the TGS Junior School, or if they are just starting at Toowoomba Grammar School, it can appear to be the start of a long journey. It is a rite of passage in many respects but with this comes increased emotions in response to transition. The boys have a lot to digest with a new, possibly larger campus…
The Boarding Journey
Every parent will have a unique journey with their son whilst he is boarding at Toowoomba Grammar School. I’m Kym Wright, mother of Clancy, who is in Year 12 and this is my journey…. From my very first experience with Toowoomba Grammar School Boarding ten years ago, I had a good feeling straight away that TGS would be the perfect fit for my son. I was picking up my nephew for lunch. He had started boarding at TGS just six weeks prior. It was pouring rain and there were boys enthusiastically…
Building Self-Confidence and Resilience in Year 7s
As your child enters the new and unknown world of secondary school, it is a very important time to nurture the confidence and self-esteem of your son. Adolescence can also be a time of bewildering physical changes and strong emotions, opinions and increasing independence. Nurturing their confidence, self-esteem and assertiveness will go a long way to helping them to have the self-belief to tackle difficult new academic challenges, to developing new friendships and social skills, and…
Introducing our new Head of Year 7 - Jodi Blades
My family moved from Brisbane to Toowoomba when I was ten years of age. I’ve lived here for most of my life, other than to study and begin my teaching career in Brisbane. I lived and worked in London for 18 months before returning to Toowoomba in 2001. With over 20 years’ experience teaching and leading pastoral care programs within independent day and boarding schools, I am dedicated to developing students holistically; the academic, social, emotional, cultural, and physical development of…
Holiday Reading Recommendations
Here is a snapshot; three titles from each year level, and from Head of Library and Information Services, Mr Dan Crook to inspire your choices for holiday reading: Year 7: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - The last Ronin. Hatchet - Gary Paulsen Billy Slaters autobiography - Billy Slater Year 8: The dead of the night (Tomorrow series) - James Marsden Rangers Apprentice The ruins of Gorlan - John Flannagan The Hunger games. -Suzanne Collins Year 9: Back to the Pillaga - Tony Parsons Deadpool Samurai…
Life After School
As children grow and develop, they participate in a range of new experiences, with the “journey” from birth to adulthood being shaped by several awaited and expected transitions. These transitions occur across a range of context and help us to evolve in new environments. It is important to note that transition is associated with a change, which is something that happens for all of us. The concept of transition involves how we process, manage, and respond to the change. As adults, we work hard…
TGS Artist in Residence - Ben Tupas
I’ve been following Toowoomba Grammar School’s exciting Artist-in-residence program for several years. After seeing fellow Toowoomba artists such as Catherine Parker, Alice Weinthal and Vincent Parisi taking up the opportunity and engaging in the program, I decided to apply in 2022 to continue the momentum of my own artist practice. With the four-week residency wrapping up at the end of October, and some time to reflect on the experience I can write that the experience was a valuable…
