As the holiday season approaches, parents and caregivers find themselves immersed in the joy and bustle of festivities. Amidst the celebrations, it’s essential to pause and reflect on the pivotal role our parenting styles play in shaping our children’s attitudes and behaviours, especially concerning alcohol and other drug use. As a father of four young people with my fifth child coming into our family on 8 December 2023, I’m particularly mindful of my parenting style and my role as School counsellor, subsequently, I connect deeply to renowned expert Paul Dillon’s insights offering invaluable advice to help us navigate parenting to ensure we have access to quality information and best practice alcohol education.
In his astute observations, Dillon (2023) sheds light on the diverse landscape of parenting styles, offering us invaluable insights into our roles as parents. Authoritarian parenting, as Dillon points out, involves rigid rule-setting without explanations, potentially creating an atmosphere of stress and limiting communication between parents and children. Conversely, Dillion suggests indulgent parenting, while warm and nurturing, often lacks the necessary boundaries, leading to undisciplined behaviour and challenges in developing essential life skills (2023).
As a school counsellor and educator for over 20 years with very intentional, diverse educational experiences, I can relate to neglectful environments where Dillon (2023) further emphasizes, falls on the other end of the spectrum, marked by a lack of both warmth and necessary boundaries. In such an environment, children might lack the support and guidance crucial for their development, often having to fend for themselves, hindering their ability to navigate life effectively.
Dillon's (2023) wisdom underscores the significance of finding a harmonious balance. Authoritative parenting, he suggests as a top-down approach that embodies parents establishing clear rules infused with warmth and support. In this approach, consequences are explained, boundaries are set out of love and protection, and children are actively involved in decision-making. This balanced style not only ensures that children comprehend rules but also fosters a sense of security and self-worth. As parents, embracing this approach nurtures a positive parent-child relationship, laying the foundation for emotional growth, mutual respect, and the development of crucial life skills.
Parental Monitoring: The Gift of Security
During the holidays, our children often find themselves in diverse social settings, from family gatherings to parties with friends. Appropriate parental monitoring becomes our gift of security to them. Knowing where our children are, who they are with, and the activities they are engaged in establishes a sense of security. This vigilance not only deters risky behaviours but also fosters open communication. As parents, our watchful eyes and ears create a safety net, ensuring our children can enjoy the festivities responsibly.
Conversations that Matter: A Holiday Tradition
The holidays offer more than just a break from routine; they present an ideal opportunity for meaningful conversations. Dillon (2023) advocates for open dialogues about alcohol and engaging in age-appropriate discussions helps demystify these topics, allowing us to share our values, concerns, and expectations. As we gather with family and friends, let’s make conversations about responsible choices an integral part of our holiday traditions. Through these discussions, we instil in our children the confidence to navigate challenges and make informed decisions, even amidst the festivities.
Nurturing Healthy Choices: A Friendly Conversation about Alcohol
As the trusted partners in our children's journey, it's crucial that we equip ourselves with the knowledge and tools to guide them through life’s various challenges. To support you in this important conversation, we highly recommend Paul Dillions great resources designed to empower parents, teachers, and students in fostering healthy decision-making skills in their children. We highly recommend exploring the below downloadable resources. They cover a range of topics including ‘How do you look after a drunk friend?’, ‘Introducing your child to alcohol’, ‘Alcohol and the developing brain’, and ‘Hosting a teenage party’.
1. Ten Tips for Parents of Primary School-Aged Children Around Alcohol PARENTS-2017-10-TIPS-PRIMARY.pdf (darta.net.au)
Starting the conversation early is key. These tips provide practical guidance on how to approach the subject of alcohol with your young ones, emphasizing openness, honesty, and setting clear boundaries.
2. 10 tips to prepare for a night out YPA-2017-10-TIPS-NIGHT-OUT.pdf (darta.net.au)
If you are planning on a night out (or even attending an event during the day) here are some simple tips may help you and your friends have a safer and an enjoyable time
3. Parenting Style and Its Impact on Alcohol and Other Drug Use PARENTS-2017-PARENTING-STYLE.pdf (darta.net.au)
Discover the influence your parenting style can have on your child’s choices. Learn about authoritative parenting – a blend of warmth and boundaries – and how it creates a supportive environment where children can make informed decisions.
4. Parental Monitoring and Its Impact on Alcohol and Other Drug Use PARENTS-2017-PARENTAL-MONITORING.pdf (darta.net.au)
Understand the significance of staying informed about your child’s activities. Effective parental monitoring acts as a safeguard, deterring risky behaviours and fostering open communication channels between parents and children.
5. Introducing Your Child to Alcohol: A Delicate Conversation PARENTS-2017-INTRODUCING-CHILD-TO-ALCOHOL.pdf (darta.net.au)
Approaching the topic of alcohol introduction can be daunting. This resource provides sensitive insights, helping parents navigate this conversation with care, ensuring it’s age-appropriate and informative.
6. Influencing Your Child’s Alcohol Consumption: Shaping Responsible Choices INFLUENCING-ALCOHOL-CONSUMPTION.pdf (darta.net.au)
Learn effective ways to influence your child's attitudes towards alcohol. Discover methods to encourage responsible decision-making, empowering your child to resist peer pressure and make informed choices.
8. Hosting a Teenage Party: Creating Safe and Enjoyable Environments HOSTING-TEENAGE-PARTY.pdf (darta.net.au)
For parents of older children, this resource provides essential tips on hosting parties where fun, and safety coexist. Learn strategies to ensure responsible behaviour and create memorable experiences for your teen and their friends.
In closing, the holidays remind us of the immense influence we have on our children’s lives and to begin to consider having delicate conversations to influence our children with understanding, and wisdom about alcohol. For further information and valuable resources on adolescent health and drug education, please visit DARTA Fact Sheets - DARTA. May this holiday season be a time of safety and wellbeing.
- Lyle Gothmann, TGS Counsellor
Bibliography
Dillion, Paul. (2023, October 28). Drug and Alcohol Research and Training Australia. Fact Sheets. Darta. https://darta.net.au/resources/facts-sheets/nameofthefactsheet
Latest Blog
The Transition to Secondary School
Research shows us that the move from a primary school to a secondary school is one of the most significant life changes that our young men will face. You can help make the transition to Senior School smoother by ensuring that the boys attend the orientation days, practice packing their bags and getting their sports, music, and activities equipment ready. When asked about tips for the boys coming into Year 7, current Year 7 dayboy, Ollie Wells suggests boys should “Be organised. Pack the night…
Nothing is Impossible
Toowoomba Grammar School's Year 7C English has been studying 'Cool Runnings' to learn about how stories or movies based on real life aren't always completely true. Extremely fascinated by the topic, young student Harry Ryan took it upon himself to message (via LinkedIn) the bobsled driver, Mr Dudley Stokes - he responded! After a little communication between the two, Harry asked Mr Stokes if he could FaceTime him during an English lesson, to 'meet' his teacher Mr Paul Irwin and classmates…
Simple Acts of Kindness
Giving back to the community is an important value that Toowoomba Grammar School endeavours to instill in our boys. Year 12 student, Tumoana Strugnell is a shining example of how it costs nothing but our time to help others, especially as we move into the Festive season and the challenges of life seem heightened. I first became involved in community service when I was in Year 6, through my local primary school’s involvement on ANZAC Day and my parent’s involvement in local community events. I’m…
A Holistic Approach to our Boarders' Activities Program
A true education is about much more than just lessons in a classroom. It’s about providing experiences that challenge a child, physically and mentally. It’s about providing opportunities that build independence, resilience and that help develop their good character. Toowoomba Grammar School is proud to offer a broad and liberal education that stretches way beyond the walls of a classroom and equips our boys with the skills to flourish as an individual. We offer a diverse and engaging…
A Beginner's Guide to Manga
If your son has brought home a book with big eyed characters, and he seems to be reading backwards, chances are, he's discovered Manga. The Dent library has a Manga collection that would be the envy of many schools, with over 100 unique titles. It Is easily the most visited section in the library, over half of the top 100 titles borrowed this year are Manga! But what is Manga? Manga is an umbrella term for a variety of print comics and graphic novels originating from Japan. Unlike western…
A Safe, Welcoming and Joyous Community
Tell us about yourself My background, at least that associated with boarding and teaching, is long and varied with a number of different aspects leading to this chosen career path. For the most part, I was schooled in Canberra but had extended periods in Lesotho, Norfolk Island, and Samoa as a result of my father’s work in foreign aid. My schooling was quite disruptive, and I wasn’t a model student! I was always passionate about English; often distracting myself (amongst other things) immersed…
Facilitating Respect
Recently the 2022 TGS Prefect group spoke at the Headmaster’s Assembly about respecting individuality. But what does this mean? The foundations for a successful relationship with peers, family, co-workers, and others is framed and supported by a two-way street of respect. However, for this two-way street to be functional it is important to know that respect cannot be demanded, it can only be earned. Toowoomba Grammar School is no different and respect is nurtured in various forms such as in the…
The Benefits of Early Learning at TGS
Making a decision about our children’s education can be difficult; especially when there are so many options available. Once upon a time parents simply sent their children to the school that was a walkable distance from home. Much research has evolved since the early 1900s about what is best for our children to foster a love of learning and feel confident and safe in the classroom. Here at Toowoomba Grammar School, we take this very seriously. Pastoral care comes before anything else; we see…
Outside of the Text Book
“The limits of my language mean the limits of my world.” — Ludwig Wittgenstein There is no denying that learning a foreign language can sometimes be a challenging experience, particularly with limited opportunity to practise outside the classroom. However, learning a language is a skill that will add to many facets of your life, often without you even realising, and as part of a well-rounded education, the value of language learning cannot be underestimated. "A different language is a…
