Responding to Negative Peer Interactions

As we approach the end of Term 3, we find it is typically a time when boys start to get tired and emotional and are most likely to make poor decisions that can lead to relationship challenges between peers. Comments and humour shared between mates that may have been received without concern in the first week of the term may change as boys start to tire and their tolerance levels decrease. This may lead to boys reacting with heightened and overly emotional responses. This is normal as boys are also navigating their position in social groups within different settings.

Our experienced Toowoomba Grammar School staff, who consciously choose to work in a boys’ school, address these challenges with the boys by suggesting strategies that will assist the students to navigate their way through these challenging situations. Our dedicated Head of Pastoral Care, working in close partnership with the Head of Senior School and other pastoral staff, focuses on building coping mechanisms and strategies to improve student welfare.

One of the primary goals of the Head of Pastoral Care is connecting with students through authentic and genuine relationships. The role requires a considered and measured response to incidents as they occur. Key staff are included in the building of plans to assist and guide students to make better decisions and understand how these decisions impact others around them.

Strategies to manage negative peer interactions

At TGS, we adopt different approaches to equip the boys with the skills to function socially with each other. Through the School’s explicit Wellbeing and Character Development program, we teach boys ways to address bullying as both a victim and a bystander. If a boy is comfortable addressing negative interactions directly with his peers, we initially suggest they refer to these strategies:

1. Humour — a means to de-escalate the situation by learning the art of laughing at oneself will often lead to these challenging moments decreasing.
2. Compliments — responding to a taunt with a compliment can be very disarming to the student who has made a negative or inappropriate comment.
3. The “so” statement — asking a student “So what?” can be an easy way to shut down the student that is generating the negativity in a peer relationship. For example, when a boy says to another boy “You didn’t play very well on Saturday”, the student can respond with “So what?”. Often the implication of being asked a secondary question can catch the offender off guard and diffuse the situation.

Toowoomba Grammar School employs a very clear behaviour management policy across four tiers of comprehensive responses linking consequences to actions that may have impacted another student’s wellbeing.

If a student at Toowoomba Grammar School is experiencing difficulty and is challenged by attempting to manage this situation on their own, then the students are encouraged to complete an online bullying notification that is forwarded to Mentors, Heads of House and senior staff. These notifications are actioned by staff in a meeting with the student where they cooperatively develop an action plan to address the matter.

If you are worried about your son, bullying and his interactions with his peers, our SchoolTV channel offers great advice.

We also recommend the book Bullied: What every parent, teacher and kid needs to know about bullying and the cycle of fear, as it contains very practical advice.