My husband Ben and I are four years into our boarding journey at Toowoomba Grammar School, we have two boys in Mackintosh House, Josh in Year 10 and Archie in Year 9, and a daughter Ella who is home with us for one more year before we become empty nesters. We are in the fortunate position that we live reasonably close, so we have the privilege of taking our boys home often and can attend most School events. For many of our boarding families, this is not the case, they live great distances away and may only travel to Toowoomba once a term to visit, if at all. Consequently, many boarders never get to go home during the term. The weeks can be very long for these boys and their families. I was a boarder myself for five years and I was one of these kids; I grew up on a cattle station near Cloncurry and we lived eight hours away from my school. We never went home during the term, and it was rare that my family could come and visit, so I can relate to these boarding families.
This is when the connection with day boy families becomes so important. They may be able to take your son to their home on leave, drive them to sport or take them to an appointment. These acts of kindness help a boarder settle in and feel included, and for that boy’s parents, that small act of kindness provides tremendous relief and support because when you are so far away you are often consumed by guilt for not being there.
There are many benefits to attending a school that has boarders, it gives day boys the opportunity to form connections all over Australia and overseas. They may get an insight into life on the land, living on an island or in a remote community. I encourage our boarding and day families to get to know each other and pursue these connections as they offer excellent learning opportunities for our boys, and they can give each other understanding into the very different lives they live. Lifelong friendships are often formed, and your sons have access to a network that spreads far and wide.
Many boarders may not have ever experienced life in a populated area like Toowoomba until they became boarders. Many of these boys did not attend a traditional primary school, many were home schooled by their mothers and their only classmates were siblings, they had never worn a uniform and bare feet was totally acceptable. The transition into boarding in a city can often be daunting for these boys who are still so very young. Not only do they have to adjust to everything being bigger and different, but there are also rules they must follow, everything is timetabled - when they eat, when they shower, when they study, when they play. The freedom they are used to is very limited and they miss their home, their family, their friends and their animals. Homesickness is often worse when they are in younger years; however, it can strike at any time and often older boys who start boarding suffer the most as their peers have usually outgrown their homesickness. They struggle with the restrictions and miss their home cooked meals, yet most will learn to love boarding and will look back in later life on TGS as some of the fondest memories they have.
There are some boys here in boarding who don’t venture past the School gates often unless it is for sport or a School activity. Being taken out on leave, even if it is just for a few hours, may offer a much-needed reprieve and may help a boy reset and be able to make it through the rest of the term. Day families, please do not underestimate the value of all that you do for boarders. A change of scenery, a simple home cooked meal, or just having the opportunity to play with your pet or your son’s younger siblings. Most boys won’t admit it, but they do miss their own siblings at home, and they very much enjoy being in a family environment.
The benefits can work both ways, by cultivating these relationships our day boys and perhaps their families may potentially be invited to a boarding family’s home. This offers some unique holiday destinations and experiences. It gives our city-based families the chance to experience a life quite different from their own and gives them an insight into what life is like on the land, on an island or in a remote community. To see for themselves what challenges some of our boarding families are faced with in terms of lack of services, isolation and distance and to have a taste of how totally rewarding and beautiful their lifestyle can be and why they live there. Your son may choose to take a gap year and there are many boarding families who can offer them a unique work experience opportunity, giving you peace of mind that they will be well looked after. Likewise for those boarders who like what the city has to offer, they could be prospective employees of local day family businesses, and bring with them the independence, maturity and a good work ethic that TGS boarding instils in them.
All parents at TGS make sacrifices to provide for their sons so that they can receive a good education, but by far the biggest sacrifice is having to send your son away from their home so thank you to the Day Families for making a difference and making life easier for a boarder and their parents.
by Stephanie Smart, President Boarder Parents' Support Group
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